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| A WORD ABOUT WEDDINGS The Typical Wedding in a Modern Maya Village, Yucatan, Mexico |
A WORD ABOUT WEDDINGS
I have been to dozens of weddings since I arrived here. The first few years, hardly a week went by that an invitation didn’t arrive. “Invitations” can
be anything from a formal card announcement, to a handwritten note decorated with hand drawn flowers. But one thing is standard. The invitation
is personally presented. This involves the couple about to get married, and one set of parents, sometimes grandmother and small nieces and
nephews, all coming on an outing throughout the village, hand delivering each invitation. This takes several hours at the very least, as a certain
amount of chit chat is essential in each house. To cut this short would be unthinkable. How long it is depends on how important you are to the
family and whether or not you have been asked to be a “padrino” or “madrina”. Think of them as the good fairies of weddings. Wedding costs
here are seldom if ever borne solely by the couple marrying, or their family. Help is always sought. There are padrinos for the cake, the rings, the
music band, the bride’s dress, the beer, the souvenirs, etc. This can be a relatively minor expense, or a major one. It is somewhat difficult to
refuse to be a padrino, and usually the gesture is offered by someone close to the family for the major expenses.
The families responsibility is for the locale, the place the wedding party will be held, and involves all the food preparation and cost, although many
family members help out here. The set up and finding enough tables and chairs to seat the guests, and the actual serving and clean-up
afterwards is also the families responsibility. None of this catering business exists here, nor anyone to help with the planning, so weddings can be
chaotic, barely avoided disasters, or fairly well organized, depending on the abilities of the families involved. In recent years, “Superior” beer has
helped out greatly, because if you contract them to supply the beer, they now supply the plastic chairs and tables for the event. This wasn’t
always so, and before people went around in a truck or tricyclo, rounding up chairs and tables at the last minute from everyone they knew.
The wedding parties were always held at the family’s house, usually the bride groom’s. It was typical that the band would set up in the afternoon
and blow out all the electrical circuits, all one or two, and someone would have to figure out a way to get the power on again. These functions
never start on time, nor should one expect them to. I don’t think there IS a specific time. You know that the Church ceremony will be on a
Saturday at 5 P.M. because that is when the shared Priest comes to our village. It can’t be any other time, nor day. The church ceremony itself is
not valid, just the short civil service ceremony, so the church “wedding” and the following reception party can take place shortly following the civil
service, or weeks to months later, as dictated by “urgency”, and finances.
The hosting family will start at dawn the day of the wedding party to butcher the pigs, chickens, and turkeys needed for the food dishes, offered
both sometime in the early afternoon, as well as at night. It is quite typical that the groom’s female relatives, mother, grandmother, sisters, aunts,
and previous “madrinas”, (such as one’s birth godmother), will not even get out of the cooking hut during the entire day, let alone make it to the
church ceremony, or have time to change clothes for the party. The “formal” part is the responsibility of the bride’s family and of the various
wedding “madrinas” to show up all dressed up and nicely attired. The same goes for the “padrinos”, as the family men will be running around
trying to get everything all set up, and doing “men things”, like drinking beer and chatting. So the padrinos are supposed to be neatly dressed and
stay sober, at least for a reasonable length of time.
These ceremonies before were always held in the yard around the family palapa, or small concrete house. There was never enough room, but it
all worked out, and was generally a fun filled hilarious event of food, jokes, dancing, and good cheer. It never lasted much after mid-night. There
weren’t any cars, so the procession to and from the church was literally through the streets, no matter what the weather. Which is why most of the
weddings fall between December and May, the dry season here, if at all possible. I have seen a sudden rain storm turn the wedding party into a
sea of mud, soaking the beautiful gowns up to the knees with red sloppy mud, ruining everyone’s’ shoes and clothes. The party goes on anyway.
At a traditional wedding here in the village, it is expected that one will bring a gift. You look for these gifts in the pharmacy/grocery stores, not
exactly where you would expect to find them. The most acceptable items seem to be a drinking glass and shallow glass bowl combination coming
in sets of 2. Not 4 or 6. Or an assortment of small metal pots and pans. Not toasters or wine glasses, no fine china or crystal or sterling silver.
Nor linens or furniture. Remember you are talking about life in a palapa hut, or small concrete house, where actual furniture is rare. Hammocks
serve for everything: sleeping, sitting, watching the now must-have TV. There is usually a small plywood wardrobe piece of furniture, with front
doors of mirrors, concealing one side used for hanging, (and piling up), clothes and the other side is drawers. This is pretty much standard.
There will be one table which serves as altar shrine, and TV and stereo holder. And that’s it for the sleeping/living quarters. The cooking area is
generally detached, and quite commonly a separate palapa hut, even if the actual house is of concrete blocks. Here is the heart of the household
activity until after the main meal is over, and it is for this area that you are purchasing a gift. It took me awhile to understand this, so our first gifts
were pretty much useless. A set of four lovely hand-blown drinking glasses, perfectly useless and probably put away for safe keeping or broken
within the first week by some small hand. A beautiful painted ceramic bowl… When a set of plastic Tupperware bowls would have been greatly
appreciated. So yes, I made a few errors, but I have learned. I let Santiago do the buying!
You also never ever wrap these in fancy paper. The little store puts your gift on a gift paper covered piece of cardboard, places clear plastic wrap
over the top, and shrink wraps it with a hairdryer. This is so everyone can see what the loot is, all piled on a table by the cake, for all to admire,
never mind that ¾ are all the same! And there are no cards indicating who gave what, nor will you ever get a thank you, verbal or otherwise. It
simply isn’t done, much to the astonishment and dismay of some foreigners. There is a story about a man who was the manager of one of the
nearby large tourist hotels. When one of his more important staff members got married, this man gave them a new double bed with linens included
and delivered it to the village. He was extremely miffed when they never even thanked him. In truth a double bed would almost touch all sides of
the palapa hut the couple had built to live in, separate from the groom’s parents house, and there was no way they could have used it, nor wanted
to. They sleep in hammocks. Everyone does. The manager retired a couple of months later, and the couple sold the bed and bought the
wardrobe they needed. I know it’s true because I was at the wedding.
The food served at the wedding party is also standardized. It will be tacos, about 5 to each person, made from shredded pork and turkey meat.
And a cooked potatoe and carrot salad with mayonnaise. Beverages will be Coke and beer, and Orange Crush. The cake, no matter how big, will
be “tres leches”, a generally soggy white cake with a pudding-like filling, and a meringue frosting. The meringue colors will be white with powder
blue accents. I have never seen anything different.
The more elaborate weddings used to be held in the canche, the inner court yard area behind the palacio - the local government buildings with all
the arches. This courtyard serves for school graduations, meetings, basketball games, and other activities. Before it could be used for weddings,
provided you had a personal connection with the in power village president; but some years ago one wedding got out of control so permission was
revoked, never to be granted again. For a while, a large empty area behind one of the local houses was rentable, but alongside it was the local
cantina, and the drunks mixing with the wedding party proved not popular and it fell into disuse. As property became subdivided, small pieces
going to each marrying son, the home grounds eventually became too small to host most weddings, so an alternative location was sought. The
choice was the comisaría. This is a metal roofed, covered, concrete structure, originally built as a packing plant for okra, a vegetable meant to be
raised and shipped to the U.S. in a project that was never really successful. This structure has a couple of concrete buildings, and served as the
preparatory school for three years until the new school was built. It is mainly used today for occasional ejido, campesino (farmer’s) meetings, and
for weddings and quince años celebrations. About the time they started using this structure, the taste in music changed as “rap crap” began to
filter down from the U.S. After the traditional music and bride’s waltz, or the “quinceneras” waltz, at about midnight the music changed, becoming
loud heavy metal, throbbing drum “noise” lasting until around 3 A.M. with speakers way too big. This lasted a number of years, and then began to
wan, causing the adults of the village to rejoice. Some couples still choose it, but many are going back to more likeable music. Music one can
actually dance to, instead of just jump up and down.
I didn’t realize I had been avoiding weddings and quince años for quite some time until last Friday. The celebrations at the comisaría had no
personality, no warmth, not to mention the noise level, and so I began inventing excuses not to attend. Friday was our first family wedding here in
the village in many years. Nephew Wilbur got married in a civil service ceremony, and opting to forego the Saturday church wedding, had
scheduled Friday as the wedding party day. Largely because both he and his father had gotten the day free from their construction jobs in
Merida. It was a lovely cool evening, and I had almost forgotten how much fun an old fashion, family held function in the yard could be. Tables set
up anywhere and everywhere. Little kids running crazy, inventing their own games. Everyone in the family helping in one way or another. Sure
enough, the small band blew out the circuits and Santiago had to patch in a line from the neighbor’s to get the band and lights back working
again. There is no real “time” to show up. People will be there at 5 P.M. and people will arrive at 10 P.M. 7:30 P.M. is a pretty good time to
arrive. Sure enough, there were all the plastic wrapped gifts piled up on the table, next to the white with blue meringue covered cake. Out came
the 5 shredded pork and turkey tacos followed by the cooked carrot and potato mayonnaise salad. Beer and Coke and Orange Crush. Ah yes, I
had forgotten. What fun.
Santiago and I started everybody dancing at about 9. Someone always has to get things rolling, and it usually falls to us if we are attending. After
about half hour, and more beer, things roll along by themselves and soon everyone is dancing. Funny thing is, it never seems to get out of hand.
You expend tons of energy serving, dancing, and helping, and nobody ever seems to get drunk. By midnight everyone starts leaving, as if at
some invisible signal. Grandmothers and little kids are packed off to bed, extra food is parcelled out to departing guests, and it’s all over. Fun has
been had. New lives are starting.
And I miss the old style weddings.
Kristine,
Flycatcher Inn, Santa Elena,
15 minutes southeast of Uxmal in Yucatan, Mexico
I have been to dozens of weddings since I arrived here. The first few years, hardly a week went by that an invitation didn’t arrive. “Invitations” can
be anything from a formal card announcement, to a handwritten note decorated with hand drawn flowers. But one thing is standard. The invitation
is personally presented. This involves the couple about to get married, and one set of parents, sometimes grandmother and small nieces and
nephews, all coming on an outing throughout the village, hand delivering each invitation. This takes several hours at the very least, as a certain
amount of chit chat is essential in each house. To cut this short would be unthinkable. How long it is depends on how important you are to the
family and whether or not you have been asked to be a “padrino” or “madrina”. Think of them as the good fairies of weddings. Wedding costs
here are seldom if ever borne solely by the couple marrying, or their family. Help is always sought. There are padrinos for the cake, the rings, the
music band, the bride’s dress, the beer, the souvenirs, etc. This can be a relatively minor expense, or a major one. It is somewhat difficult to
refuse to be a padrino, and usually the gesture is offered by someone close to the family for the major expenses.
The families responsibility is for the locale, the place the wedding party will be held, and involves all the food preparation and cost, although many
family members help out here. The set up and finding enough tables and chairs to seat the guests, and the actual serving and clean-up
afterwards is also the families responsibility. None of this catering business exists here, nor anyone to help with the planning, so weddings can be
chaotic, barely avoided disasters, or fairly well organized, depending on the abilities of the families involved. In recent years, “Superior” beer has
helped out greatly, because if you contract them to supply the beer, they now supply the plastic chairs and tables for the event. This wasn’t
always so, and before people went around in a truck or tricyclo, rounding up chairs and tables at the last minute from everyone they knew.
The wedding parties were always held at the family’s house, usually the bride groom’s. It was typical that the band would set up in the afternoon
and blow out all the electrical circuits, all one or two, and someone would have to figure out a way to get the power on again. These functions
never start on time, nor should one expect them to. I don’t think there IS a specific time. You know that the Church ceremony will be on a
Saturday at 5 P.M. because that is when the shared Priest comes to our village. It can’t be any other time, nor day. The church ceremony itself is
not valid, just the short civil service ceremony, so the church “wedding” and the following reception party can take place shortly following the civil
service, or weeks to months later, as dictated by “urgency”, and finances.
The hosting family will start at dawn the day of the wedding party to butcher the pigs, chickens, and turkeys needed for the food dishes, offered
both sometime in the early afternoon, as well as at night. It is quite typical that the groom’s female relatives, mother, grandmother, sisters, aunts,
and previous “madrinas”, (such as one’s birth godmother), will not even get out of the cooking hut during the entire day, let alone make it to the
church ceremony, or have time to change clothes for the party. The “formal” part is the responsibility of the bride’s family and of the various
wedding “madrinas” to show up all dressed up and nicely attired. The same goes for the “padrinos”, as the family men will be running around
trying to get everything all set up, and doing “men things”, like drinking beer and chatting. So the padrinos are supposed to be neatly dressed and
stay sober, at least for a reasonable length of time.
These ceremonies before were always held in the yard around the family palapa, or small concrete house. There was never enough room, but it
all worked out, and was generally a fun filled hilarious event of food, jokes, dancing, and good cheer. It never lasted much after mid-night. There
weren’t any cars, so the procession to and from the church was literally through the streets, no matter what the weather. Which is why most of the
weddings fall between December and May, the dry season here, if at all possible. I have seen a sudden rain storm turn the wedding party into a
sea of mud, soaking the beautiful gowns up to the knees with red sloppy mud, ruining everyone’s’ shoes and clothes. The party goes on anyway.
At a traditional wedding here in the village, it is expected that one will bring a gift. You look for these gifts in the pharmacy/grocery stores, not
exactly where you would expect to find them. The most acceptable items seem to be a drinking glass and shallow glass bowl combination coming
in sets of 2. Not 4 or 6. Or an assortment of small metal pots and pans. Not toasters or wine glasses, no fine china or crystal or sterling silver.
Nor linens or furniture. Remember you are talking about life in a palapa hut, or small concrete house, where actual furniture is rare. Hammocks
serve for everything: sleeping, sitting, watching the now must-have TV. There is usually a small plywood wardrobe piece of furniture, with front
doors of mirrors, concealing one side used for hanging, (and piling up), clothes and the other side is drawers. This is pretty much standard.
There will be one table which serves as altar shrine, and TV and stereo holder. And that’s it for the sleeping/living quarters. The cooking area is
generally detached, and quite commonly a separate palapa hut, even if the actual house is of concrete blocks. Here is the heart of the household
activity until after the main meal is over, and it is for this area that you are purchasing a gift. It took me awhile to understand this, so our first gifts
were pretty much useless. A set of four lovely hand-blown drinking glasses, perfectly useless and probably put away for safe keeping or broken
within the first week by some small hand. A beautiful painted ceramic bowl… When a set of plastic Tupperware bowls would have been greatly
appreciated. So yes, I made a few errors, but I have learned. I let Santiago do the buying!
You also never ever wrap these in fancy paper. The little store puts your gift on a gift paper covered piece of cardboard, places clear plastic wrap
over the top, and shrink wraps it with a hairdryer. This is so everyone can see what the loot is, all piled on a table by the cake, for all to admire,
never mind that ¾ are all the same! And there are no cards indicating who gave what, nor will you ever get a thank you, verbal or otherwise. It
simply isn’t done, much to the astonishment and dismay of some foreigners. There is a story about a man who was the manager of one of the
nearby large tourist hotels. When one of his more important staff members got married, this man gave them a new double bed with linens included
and delivered it to the village. He was extremely miffed when they never even thanked him. In truth a double bed would almost touch all sides of
the palapa hut the couple had built to live in, separate from the groom’s parents house, and there was no way they could have used it, nor wanted
to. They sleep in hammocks. Everyone does. The manager retired a couple of months later, and the couple sold the bed and bought the
wardrobe they needed. I know it’s true because I was at the wedding.
The food served at the wedding party is also standardized. It will be tacos, about 5 to each person, made from shredded pork and turkey meat.
And a cooked potatoe and carrot salad with mayonnaise. Beverages will be Coke and beer, and Orange Crush. The cake, no matter how big, will
be “tres leches”, a generally soggy white cake with a pudding-like filling, and a meringue frosting. The meringue colors will be white with powder
blue accents. I have never seen anything different.
The more elaborate weddings used to be held in the canche, the inner court yard area behind the palacio - the local government buildings with all
the arches. This courtyard serves for school graduations, meetings, basketball games, and other activities. Before it could be used for weddings,
provided you had a personal connection with the in power village president; but some years ago one wedding got out of control so permission was
revoked, never to be granted again. For a while, a large empty area behind one of the local houses was rentable, but alongside it was the local
cantina, and the drunks mixing with the wedding party proved not popular and it fell into disuse. As property became subdivided, small pieces
going to each marrying son, the home grounds eventually became too small to host most weddings, so an alternative location was sought. The
choice was the comisaría. This is a metal roofed, covered, concrete structure, originally built as a packing plant for okra, a vegetable meant to be
raised and shipped to the U.S. in a project that was never really successful. This structure has a couple of concrete buildings, and served as the
preparatory school for three years until the new school was built. It is mainly used today for occasional ejido, campesino (farmer’s) meetings, and
for weddings and quince años celebrations. About the time they started using this structure, the taste in music changed as “rap crap” began to
filter down from the U.S. After the traditional music and bride’s waltz, or the “quinceneras” waltz, at about midnight the music changed, becoming
loud heavy metal, throbbing drum “noise” lasting until around 3 A.M. with speakers way too big. This lasted a number of years, and then began to
wan, causing the adults of the village to rejoice. Some couples still choose it, but many are going back to more likeable music. Music one can
actually dance to, instead of just jump up and down.
I didn’t realize I had been avoiding weddings and quince años for quite some time until last Friday. The celebrations at the comisaría had no
personality, no warmth, not to mention the noise level, and so I began inventing excuses not to attend. Friday was our first family wedding here in
the village in many years. Nephew Wilbur got married in a civil service ceremony, and opting to forego the Saturday church wedding, had
scheduled Friday as the wedding party day. Largely because both he and his father had gotten the day free from their construction jobs in
Merida. It was a lovely cool evening, and I had almost forgotten how much fun an old fashion, family held function in the yard could be. Tables set
up anywhere and everywhere. Little kids running crazy, inventing their own games. Everyone in the family helping in one way or another. Sure
enough, the small band blew out the circuits and Santiago had to patch in a line from the neighbor’s to get the band and lights back working
again. There is no real “time” to show up. People will be there at 5 P.M. and people will arrive at 10 P.M. 7:30 P.M. is a pretty good time to
arrive. Sure enough, there were all the plastic wrapped gifts piled up on the table, next to the white with blue meringue covered cake. Out came
the 5 shredded pork and turkey tacos followed by the cooked carrot and potato mayonnaise salad. Beer and Coke and Orange Crush. Ah yes, I
had forgotten. What fun.
Santiago and I started everybody dancing at about 9. Someone always has to get things rolling, and it usually falls to us if we are attending. After
about half hour, and more beer, things roll along by themselves and soon everyone is dancing. Funny thing is, it never seems to get out of hand.
You expend tons of energy serving, dancing, and helping, and nobody ever seems to get drunk. By midnight everyone starts leaving, as if at
some invisible signal. Grandmothers and little kids are packed off to bed, extra food is parcelled out to departing guests, and it’s all over. Fun has
been had. New lives are starting.
And I miss the old style weddings.
Kristine,
Flycatcher Inn, Santa Elena,
15 minutes southeast of Uxmal in Yucatan, Mexico
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